Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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