I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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