I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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