Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you had me at cake vodka
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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