I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there was a trapeze. enough said
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
