I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
