You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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