I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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