eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
