guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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