yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
