that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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