Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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