I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
