Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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