How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
