u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
