SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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