I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
