i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm like, not good at living.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
