Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
