She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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