When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They took my balls.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
