I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
