He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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