mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
