never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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