Cold hands, warm shart.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Houston, we have a squirter
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Randomize
