Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize