when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
