Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
