Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
