Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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