We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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