Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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