The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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