Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
