Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
