I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
