1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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