Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
