The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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