I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
