I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I deserve to be covered in dicks
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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