I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
