When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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