The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize