yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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