I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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