i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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