I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My vagina is very pro this idea
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
