I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
