fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
