So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
