I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
