i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
