Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you would pick up someone in the library
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You dont lie about slip and slides
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
