you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
