Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
