shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The uberlube is also flammable
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
