help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
