just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
