I must be too annoying 4 u.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
