Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize