Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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