Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
