the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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