remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
