i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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