At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
