"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
