you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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