I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
