i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
