Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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